Day 78: Shoulders, Triceps, and Chest and Ab Ripper X

This is our final muscle-growth week, which leads us to the big question, have I grown muscle? Perception and reality rarely ever synch up; actual muscle growth and the psychological urge to think I look more cut, dangerous, and badass than Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon (1973), probably are not walking hand-and-hand. That being said, this is how I feel,

I think my dick got bigger. Seriously, I am not a doctor - but, my dad's a dentist - and this seems totally possible to me. I never thought of taking before and after pics so it will be difficult to gauge, but I definitely think it is a lot bigger and way more cut. Yeah, it actually got cut: it went from being like a mildly soggy piece of wood that had been in a stream for about a week to a rigid, strong, dependable steel-rod. You could hang a fridge on this thing. Bomber, you sound like an idiot, firstly, who hangs a fridge, and, secondly, you're penis cannot get bigger from working out, this is a scientific fact. First of all my dick doesn't believe in science - he's an Episcopalian as well as a Pescatarian - but luckily I do and I can prove there is room for dick growth in science. I'm working on the powerpoint and visual AIDS as we speak, but here are my bulletpoints:

1) Science does not reflect objective reality; it is our best conception, at the time, of what we think it is. The objective world didn't actually change from Newton to Einstein or from Einstein to Quantum Physics - our ability to perceive some of its complexities did. In 1906, we simply couldn't fathom the notion of matter not truly existing - that all matter was an illusion created by energy vibrating at different frequencies. And just like science couldn't grasp the sub-atomic world in 1906, science cannot, today, wrap it's egg-head around the breakneck, badassery that is P90X. I hypothesized that 'P90X' can make your dick bigger, I created this 'P90Xperiment' to test this and I have observed penial growth, and, thus, can infer, and conclude, that "P90X made my weiner bigger". What just happened here? I think it's what we call 'science'.

 

2) Scientists are weak and flabby and don't work-out like awesome, strong, alpha-males like myself. So, like the scientists that practice this 'science', it has no place in the gym. 

3) Dicks can get more cut - i.e. rigid - when you improve your circulatory system. Blood pumps faster, smoother, and easier, which means there will be more to material fill your dick with. P90X is Lorraina Bobbit: it cuts the shit out of your dick.

4) You know how when you shave your pubes, your dick looks bigger? More of the actual shaft is perceptible. Yeah, the same thing happens when you lose weight.

5) Fuck science! What has science given us? Really? The atom bomb? Abortions? Spitting in the face of God's will elongating Dick Cheney's life?* The Tuskegee experiments? Eugenics?** Automated telephone operators? Ford and GM cars for the last two decades? Fuck science. Yeah, sure, it gave us the printing press mass producing knowledge and innovation, but, guess what it also gave us? A Sarah Palin book. So, yeah, science can eat my intuitive, gut-based reasonings' asshole. 

It should be pretty clear that P90X made my dick bigger, which is pretty cool. Anything else?

I have these weird bumps of tissue over what used to be my exposed breast-plate; these are pretty cool also. I honestly looked like an 11-year old girl before P90X. I sort of have pecs now - they aren't like big beef-pot pie pecs; more like, quarter-pounder pecs. 

I definitely didn't get super-bulked. I lost no weight during this; so I surmize, with the fat loss, I probably gained 4 maybe 5 pounds of muscle. Who knows really. I did gain some muscle mass across my shoulders and arms; nothing too insane: it looks like I'm wearing Gordie Howe's old, barely protective, shoulder pads under my shirt. But, bulking aside, the best results occured in my mid-section. You could grate steel on my abs. If Lex Luthor slammed Superman's head against them, he would be left bloody and unconscious. You could pour water in between them and play boats, pretending you are Cartier sailing up the St. Lawrence river and it's tributaries all the way down into promise land. 

Unfortunately, working out does not change your face. I can actually call myself a butterface. But, alas, it is better to be a butterface than a Jofa - good bucket, bad equipment. 

In short, I sort of don't look like an extra from Schinder's List anymore.

Highlights: The whole workout went well until Ab Ripper X. Butt-cut is back again and it is killing me. (If you are not familiar with the evil entity that is 'butt-cut' go here, http://bombersp90xperiment.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-59-shoulders-and-arms-and-ab-ripper.html).

State of Mind: I really actually enjoy working out now. It is slowly becoming less of a duty and more of a hobby. This statement blows my mind: I never thought that would be possible.

Rating: P90X

*Cheney has commited less war crimes than he has had heart-attacks. 

** Yeah, yeah, Eugenics was unscientific, but, still, the power of scientific validity was used here.