Day 11: Ab Ripper X and Yoga.

I felt tight, strong, and lean today. All day I just wanted to lift heavy things. I didn't even bother to put on a shirt until well into the afternoon. I woke up this morning wanting to get things done - I immediately tackled the giant, precarious pile of dishes in my kitchen. At one point some soapy water splashed against my stomach. I went to wipe it off, but everything turned slo-mo, and Barry White's voice echoed throughout the room - "Ohhh yeahhh" - as the water trickled down my tan, olive-skinned washboard stomach ever so gently dribbling into my perfectly-sized belly button and beyond. I think I might be developing a more positive body image. I also tried to go grocery-shopping, but apparently you need a shirt to do that. "Sir, can you please stop lifting the watermelons and leave the premises". In short, I'm starting to feel better about myself.

We started with Ab Ripper X, which I actually enjoyed. At first, this whole working out thing is painful and it sucks and you only do it because you know you should. But, after a while, it starts to feel great and you actually look forward to it and want to do it. For all those girls reading, this is EXACTLY like butt-sex. I know know, it seems gross and even insulting to your vagina, but if I, of all people, can do P90X then you can do butt-sex. 

We moved on to Yoga, which was 80 minutes, but worth it. And, somehow, I'm crazy-good at it. I'm like an 8th level Yogi master. At one point, I sunk into a deep meditative state and ascended to the next-level of consciousness. It was on a cloud and Chris Farley was there. All in all, this was actually a great workout and stretches out some areas you didn't even know existed. It also would have been very relaxing and calming if Millard didn't laugh the entire time. 

Highlights: Millard and I, in downward dog, with our asses pushed high in the air, simultaneously exhaling and moaning, "oh that feels sooo fuckin' good". I actually think we might be half-gay for that moment alone, which combined with the time Millard slept-walked naked into my room in second year, probably makes us full-gay. 

State of Mind: A transcendent level where the material world and even language does not exist, which makes it hard to explain. To understand: take mescaline and watch replays of Ovechkin's goals.

Rating: P80X