Day 30: Plyometrics

According to our crystal-meth infused workout instructor, "plyometrics is the mother of all P90X workouts". I arrived at home keeping this in mind - I had not eaten and knew I needed some fuel to get these burly appendages in motion. I was out of peanut butter, so my usual pre-gamer of pb toast was not an option. I had a big pile of prosciutto and cheddar cheese. I put these inbetween what used to be a bun, but has since then succumbed to freezer burn. I gobbled this down and prepared to sit on the couch and let it digest for the next hour. I did not realize it was 6:15 and the hockey game was on at 7:30. The workout is an hour, so we had to start.

I generally do not have many pearly nuggets of wisdom to impart, but, I strongly advise, not eating a large amount of salted Italian deli meat and cheese before you do the "mother of all P90X workouts". It felt like a large cinder block of meat and cheese had formed in my stomach. Every squat caused it to hit the top of my stomach and crash down against the bottom sending a meat and cheddar echo boom of a gas bubble up my esophagus and out my mouth. This continued for 15 minutes. Eventually, the sheer force of the half-digested cinder block impacting against the bottom of my stomach must have forced it down into my intestine.

After these 15 minutes of meat and cheese induced pain, we just killed it. Normally, there's a lot of huffing, hawing, complaining, and the occasional eyeball rolling back into the head. This time around, there was an eery focussed silence punctuated by perfectly-patterned breathing. Millard and Bomber ceased to exist for 45 minutes; they we're replaced by well-oiled, precison-engineered squat machines. No breaks; no complaints; only picture perfect execution. It was such an awe-inspiring physical feat, it could be included in Cirque de Soleil. If the IOC saw a video of us doing this, they would consider making it a demonstration sport in the summer games. If someone ever asks me to prove why I am better than them, I will just do plyometrics. (But, realistically doubting if I'm better than you is like doubting gravity - It's a law of nature).

Highlights: The quesy I-think-I-have-ebola look on my face during those 15 minutes of meat-cheese hell.

State of Mind: Even with all the salty meat and cheese in me, I was able to rip through the whole thing. The improvement from 5 weeks ago is insane. In short, I feel great.

Rating: P90X