So, as you can see, I've been doing a little self-reflection. This involves not only looking honestly at what you think about yourself, but also, being open to what others think; noticing the tiny details that you normally pass over. In the last day I have realized that I am two pretty horrible things. There's a lot to explain here - I'll try to be concise, here goes.
So, I was playing with the local children at the park. (This is not a good start). Let me explain, I have an outdoor ice hockey rink near my house. I was shooting the puck around and all of a sudden I am surrounded by little kids that I am much better than at hockey (and, I imagine, most other sports). Naturally, I stuck around. I out-skated them, out-shot them, and just generally out-played them; it was embarrassing. One of the kids even brought a juicebox into the rink. We made fun of him; it was wicked. At the tail-end of Bomber's Hockey Clinic, I taught the kids about the importance of the off-wing one-timer and how it allowed Brett Hull to score goals by the bushel. They had never heard of Brett Hull and did not know what a bushel was.
As the clinic ended, I took off my skates and decided to talk to one of the parents about their inability to educate their children about great people in history and varied forms of measurement. She was super-nice, but in a weird way. Like how medal presenters at the Special Olympics interact with the athletes. She asked me where I was "staying". I said just down there and pointed towards my house. This struck me as odd. I walked home passing by the shelter that I live by trying to figure out why she was so nice to me. I looked down at my clothes - ripped jogging pants, haggard shoes, and an old, grungy sweater - and then looked over into the shelter window and saw the reflection of my gross, dishevelled beard-covered face (I'm growing a P90X beard). Like a giant tidel wave of urine and used syringes, it hit me: she thought I was homeless. Someone actually thought I was homeless; not the somewhat grungy university student with potential and vision, but just a grungy, homeless man.
As for the second horrible thing, I had work this morning and this nice Asian girl said she would drive me home. When we were done, I walked alongside this nice Asian girl and said, "I'm ready. Take me home". Turns out it was the wrong girl. So, this girl thinks I'm either creepy and have the worst pick-up lines of all time or I'm racist, which makes for a less-than-comfortable workplace environment. In all fairness, they had similar jackets and after looking at her terror-filled face, I realized it was the wrong girl. I don't know, you be the judge. I, personally, don't think I'm actually racist - at least, no more than the next guy. (What I mean by that is we clearly live within an oppressive cultural structure and, if we are not super-vigilant about these pressures, we can be imbued - consciously or subconsciously - with faulty, bigoted, and ignorant prejudices).
Thanks for letting me get that off my insane-o pumped chest. Alas, we did Yoga today. It's super-hard and 80 minutes long. You sweat more than a _________ (insert joke here, if I try, it'll probably just come off as racist). We're getting better, but it's definitely our most embarrassing routine. We generally fall, fart, and fail. However, we are noticing better levels of flexibility, which provides all the motivation necessary to continue. Plus, I may eventually be able to do the ultimate yoga position - it allows you to reach Nirvana, which is the name of my penis.
Highlights: Pretty much that joke above. I'm not very funny or smart, but that joke, apparently, does not know that.
State of Mind: It's the exercise I least look forward too, but it's motivating to see some increased flexibility. I'm also excited to put my dick in my mouth.
Rating: P55X
*Can someone tell me the rules on where the period goes after the bracket. (And, no, I am not discussing the details of the Feeny-Weeny events).
No comments:
Post a Comment